Why Therapist’s Don’t Give Advice
Have you ever noticed that the therapists you’ve worked with seem to avoid giving specific or direct advice about the issues you’re bringing into session? There’s a reason for this - and I understand it’s a part of therapy that can sometimes be frustrating for clients. As a client, we go to therapy looking to find solutions and answers, to feel relief from our symptoms, and a lot of times we just want to feel better. A sometimes tricky part of the therapeutic process, however, is managing our expectations and coming to an understanding that our therapist doesn’t have all the answers nor is it their job to give us the answers. There are many reasons for this, and I’m going to explain a few of them below.
Before diving into the reasons why some therapists don’t give advice I want to offer a bit of clarification. Advice is inherently different than guidance, psycho-education and feedback. You can absolutely expect that through the counseling process your therapist will offer the space, support, and collaboration that will lead you to the answers you’re looking for. If you feel there’s something missing from your work with your therapist I highly recommend bringing those concerns up in session so that you and your provider can create a space together thats aligned with your goals. The therapeutic space is your space to reach your goals and grow. So, if something is missing (even if it’s that you’re looking for more direct guidance) it’s worth talking about with your therapist so you can develop the kind of therapeutic relationship that will meet your needs.
Why therapists often don’t give advice:
The first reason that therapists don’t give advice is because we don’t necessarily have the solutions to your issues. Everyone is different, and what might work for one client could be totally useless to the next. Sure, we can give you a list of coping tools and strategies but Google can also do that. Our training is to understand mental health, mental illness and human behavior and to pair those things with empathy in order to assist our clients in reaching their goals. This means that therapist and client meet each other half-way to solve problems together. After all, without you I have virtually no insight into your issues and goals or any potential solutions.
Many therapists, including myself, believe that you are more than capable of finding your own solutions. You are the expert of your own experience. In therapy, you are given the space and support to explore what your answers might be. When you come into weekly sessions, I am seeing you for one hour of the 168 hours in a week. You have a lifetime of experience and that experience is the most useful and important tool in therapy and in healing. The reason that we don’t always come to the conclusions on our own is because we aren’t always in the right environment. Therapy provides that necessary environment for true exploration paired with a relationship that is safe, unbiased and truly supportive. This can enable you to grow and change as needed.
Therapy is so much more beneficial and profound when we come to our own conclusions. In my experience, when we come to our own conclusions about important areas or problems in our lives they tend to internalize differently. My feedback and input as a therapist can be helpful, yes, but when you’re able to take that feedback and feel it’s truth for yourself something different happens - we process it differently, it’s weight is heavier and we can more easily hold onto that shift in understanding or behavior.
Giving advice can actually hinder your growth. Yes, really. The goal of therapy is to help you get to a place where you no longer need therapy. As a therapist, I want my clients to gain autonomy, gain trust in themselves, and become self-sufficient. Therapy offers a unique relationship for you to grow in a way in which you are strengthening your own resources with the support of a trusted, and unbiased person. If I attempt to give you all of the answers, they probably won’t fit your life perfectly. Think of it like a puzzle that we’re doing together, but I can only see the pieces of the puzzle - not the full picture. You’re telling me what shape we need to find next to fit this certain spot in the puzzle. I can help find the missing piece but at the end of the day you’re the one that has to place the piece in the puzzle and you’re the only one who can determine if that piece really fits. My goal as your therapist is to empower you to make your own decisions so that when life gets tough and you’re no longer in therapy you can remain stable and confident.
I know it can feel frustrating to not have the answers right away or to feel like the expert you’re turning to for help is withholding advice - but please know this is done out of an understanding of the things listed throughout this post and as an effort to do good by our clients. I’ve been able to witness, first hand, the amazing progress and growth in clients who trust the therapeutic process and find their own answers and solutions.
Disclaimer: The information available on and through the blog on juniper-counseling.com is presented in summary form as a supplement to, and NOT a substitute for, the knowledge, skill, and judgment of qualified psychiatrists, psychologists, physicians and health care professionals. Should you have any physical/mental health or medical questions or concerns, please consult a physician, psychotherapist or other health care professional.